With a well satisfied expression on his face, the man sitting at his desk took a leisurely puff on his cigar,
"Here's to you, kid! We got it!"
"We did? Oh, wow! That's terrific! What do I do? When do I start?"
"This wasn't at all easy, I'll have you know, Ingrid!" Her agent said in all seriousness.
"I can't thank you enough, Abe!"
"I'm a guy who's just doing his job, Ingrid!
"Where are we headed, Debbie?" Ingrid asked as the two women sped out of town in Debbie's car.
"We're shooting a scene on location, Ingrid! It's an old church out in the country ... You'll love it!"
"Gosh, Debbie! Is this the right place?"
"It sure is!
"Okay ... I just hope that the place doesn't fall down on us!"
"Good Lord!" Ingrid was aghast. "This just keeps getting better and better doesn't it?
"They're as safe as can be, Ingrid!
"Ha! Alone at last!" A sinister voice hissed. "And now, Debbie - I've got you just where I want you!"
"Okay! Okay! You got me, Donald!
"And your director, don't forget that!" The hooded figure interjected.
"He's about two bricks shy of a full load ...
"And that I am!
"I'm fine, Donald!
"Donald has the script between his ears!" Debbie quipped.
"This is the scene where the virgin is sacrificed, Ingrid ..."
"And I'm supposed to be the virgin, I take it?"
"Right! I'll feed a few cues to Debbie and you're to do pretty much what comes naturally!"
"You don't have to worry about getting hurt," Donald went on to say.
"Full-Frontal at that!" Debbie piped up.
"Well just give me a moment to think about it guys!" Ingrid pretended to protest mildly as she ducked behind a convenient curtain.
"Will this pretty much fill the bill?" Ingrid asked as she reemerged from behind the curtain.
"Man! I'll say!" Donald the Director enthused.
"We'll make do!" Debbie quipped and grinned at her.
"Okay, then! Let's get to work, shall we?" Donald urged the ladies as he readied his camera.
"First let's get you decently clad, Ingrid!" Debbie said as she helped the latest star in a Horrific Productions feature don a sheer white robe
"What are my lines?" Ingrid queried her mentor.
"This isn't a speaking role exactly," was the reply.
"The camera's rolling!" Donald reminded them. "So let's have some Action!
"Did you get that table all dusted like I asked, Donald?
"That's why I covered it with that blanket!
"Gosh!" Ingrid said as she looked down at the knife laying on the table,
"Now you just settle back, relax, and make yourself comfortable, Ingrid ..." Debbie directed her co-star.
"You needn't be worried about this knife, Ingrid!" Debbie assured her.
"Good Golly!" Ingrid thought. "What have I let myself in for this time?"
"Ooooh! But I don't like the looks of that knife!"
"It's not a real knife! It can't be!"
"But Debbie said it was real!"
"But it's only to fool the audience!"
"My mother told me that I'd have days like this!
"Ah ... And here you are all nicely arched," Debbie thought as she admired the girl who would be her latest victim!
"It never ceases to amaze me how eager these girls are to suffer a blade!"
The 'witch' delivered a deft stroke of her knife to Ingrid's lower abdomen ...
"You lied to me!" Ingrid managed to gasp as the 'witch' proceeded to rock the knife's blade deep in her victim's gut.
"How else was I to get your cooperation?" Debbie asked as Ingrid literally arched clear of the table.
"Hold it! Hold that pose!" Came from behind the camera.
"How the Hell do you expect her to hold a pose?" The 'witch' snarled.
"It's those nipples!" The director behind-the-camera exclaimed.
"I did not!" Came the indignant reply.
"You wanted her to Act Naturally, I remember you saying ...
Ingrid's body continued to arch and heave convulsively as the 'witch' went through some abra cadabra motions.
The thrust was not long in coming for in the next moment, the knife came plunging down to be buried in the victim's navel ...
Ingrid filled the room with her agonized cries ...
"She screams rather well, doesn't she?" The 'witch' advanced an opinion.
"Yes! And surprizingly enough ... The acoustics in here are excellent!" The Director agreed.
"You'd do well to get as much of the shrieking as you need recorded now ..." The 'witch' advised ...
"... 'Cuz when I give it to 'em in the chest, they don't often have much left to give us ..."
"... Other than perhaps a few grunts and gurgles!" Said the 'witch' as she sheathed her knife in Ingrid's chest ...
"What a splendid victim is our Ingrid!" The Director was nearly 'beside himself', as the expression goes.
"Just look at the way she quite literally gives herself to your knife!"
"Yes ...", The 'witch admitted dryly ..."
"Having little in the way of superfluous chest meat ..."
"... She makes full use of her rib cage, doesn't she?"
"Now that is a bunch of sour grapes if I ever heard it!" Issued from behind the camera.
"Just look at that will you?
"I'm telling you, Debbie!
"Why I could be the next Wes Craven and Quentin Tarantino rolled into one!."
"All that may have been had we not opted to kill her, Donald!" The 'witch' reminded her mildly overwrought partner.
And for the last time the knife hurtled downward ...
"I can't believe it! You've destroyed her nipple!" Now the director appeared truly beside himself.
"Couldn't be helped, Donald!
A few days later we again find the agent in his office where he is opening his mail.
"Ah! The check from Horrific Productions has arrived on time, I see!
But he did wonder upon occasion what became of all the would-be starlets he sent there way ...
We're gonna put her in the movies,
(Editorial Note: "Act Naturally" was written in 1963 by Vonie Morrison and Johnny Russell / popularized by Buck Owens and Ringo Starr of the Beatles)
The following gallery is not composed of "outtakes" but "extras". Thrill Killer does not "skimp" when he is making vidcaps.