Buck's Phototales


Written by Uncle Buck

Pictures Courtesy of

Drop Dead Gorgeous

While you're here check out the SpookyCash Gallery

"Way tuh go, Jade!"

"Yeah! Lay it on!"

"Sock it to 'em!"

Jade heard each and every one of the hoots and hollers that came from her audience and as she got into the spirit of the action,
she found that she was more than willing to comply.

The whip came cracking down raising great welts across the back of her victim.

How or why anyone would be crazy enough to stand for this sort of thing was beyond her ...
Jade was only glad that there were - and that she had her fair share of them as her patrons.

Again the whip came slashing down across the prostrate figure that lay on the stage at her feet.
Again and again and yet again.

"Hell," Jade thought, "He's had enough! Maybe more than enough from the looks of things!"

Jade placed a booted foot on the seat of her victim's pants, tossed her hair back over her broad shoulders, and preened a bit -
but not too much - for the benefit of her audience as she carefully coiled her whip.

The curtain began to close and right on cue - the MC came dashing out on stage to do his bit
while the crowd continued to vocalize its approval of the performace.

"Masochists and Sadists! Christ! How'n Hell did I ever get myself into a gig like this?"
Jade wondered for perhaps the hundred time.
It seemed as though she were wondering much the same thing after every performance these days!

Well - at least I don't stop to think about it until after the performance!
It'd be one Helluva thing if I got to having second thoughts during my performance, now wouldn't it?
What a bummer that would be! That bunch of perverts out there in the audience would be apt to tear me apart!"

Jade had gathered up a few stray pieces of her equipment to help move things along for the next act.
Even now the roadies were hauling a bunch of sound equipment into position.

"Must be another Rock 'n Rap group following me tonight!"

Jade hadn't so much as looked at the program for the evening ...
She and her victim were on and and ready to go the minute the stage manager had given them the high sign ...
And that had been all that there was to it!

Speaking of her victim ...
She had better give him the word that the performance was over and that they had both best be getting the Hell out of the way.

One of the stage hands must have been thinking along those same lines
because he stooped thinking to shake the fellow up a bit to encourage him to get up and at 'em ...
But then he knelt on the stage beside the man and suddenly began to gesture frantically at Jade.

"Better call an ambulance, Jade! This joker seems to be in poor shape!"

"My God! What's wrong?"

"I don't know! He's breathin'! But that's about all!
How hard did you hit this poor sap, anyway?"

"I'll ... I'll call 911!"
And Jade dashed off stage and back to grab the phone in the tiny dressing room she shared
with about every other performer who felt the need for one.

"How hard did you hit him, Jade?"
The stagehand's question kept ringing in her ears as she hastily punched up the three familiar digits ... 911 ...

A police cruiser arrived just ahead of the ambulance and the crew wasted little time in getting their patient
hooked to an oxygen respirator. And in hardly more than five minutes they had him on a stretcher
and were hauling him post haste out of the theater and into the back of the ambulance
which went howling off from the rear of the theater and on down the city street for the Emergency Room at St Boniface Hospital.

"And you say he was here alone at the theater?" The police officer was quizzing the stage manager.
"No sign of a girlfriend? No family?"

"No one came forward," the stage manager was unruffled.
Jade was thankful for that. She wasn't so sure how she'd respond when and if she were interviewed
and she was glad to have the opportunity to collect her wits to some extent.

"If anyone had been here with him, you'd think that they'd be there when it became apparent that the guy was in trouble, wouldn't you?"

The policeman scribbled a few notes on his pad. "Go ahead, Mister ... You're doing fine ..."

"There really isn't much else to say really ..."

"What was he doing up here on the stage if he was a part of the audience?"

"He volunteered to take part in an act that involves audience participation."

"I'm gonna owe one to Old Sully for just they way he's handling himself in this interview!" Jade thought.
"Could be he's been through this sort of thing before?
Or maybe he's doing his level best to avoid what could be a nasty situation!
Either way - I'm glad he's playing this from my corner - for the moment at least!"

"I see ..." The policeman jotted another line on his pad. "Is that how he got those welts on his back?"

"Uh-oh!" Jade thought. "Here we go!"

"You know the type of shows we put on here, Officer ..."

"I've worked the neighborhood for some time ... Go on ..."

"It's a rough game ... But the audience enjoys it ... And a game is all that it is!"

"Until someone get hurt! The of course it ceases to be a game, as you call it!"

"He volunteered, Officer!"

"Yes ... And guys with heart conditions take Viagra and kill themselves in the process ..."

The theater does carry liability insurance, Officer."

"I'm glad to hear that!" The policeman spoke wryly, Jade thought.
"But I don't think that you have to worry much on that score ...
The boys in the abulance weren't overly concerned with those welts ...
So I guess that you needn't either ...
Who swung the whip, by the way?"

Jade had been starting to breathe easier but now she stiffened as she awaited the stage manager's reponse.

"The guy volunteered for a dominatrix act ..."

"How do you spell that?" The policeman was scribbling on his pad once again.

"D-O-M-I-N-A-T-R-I-X" Solly spelled the word out a letter at a time.

"Okay ... So we know where the whipping boy ended up ... Now where is this dominatrix?"

Solly looked Jade squarely in the eye as he said,
"I think that she must have followed the ambulance to the hospital, Officer ...
The girl was pretty shaken when the stage hand made his discovery!"

"Yeah! That makes sense, doesn't it?" The policeman said as he closed his notebook.
"I guess I'll cruise off to St Boniface and see if I can catch her there ...
Probably won't ... Not that it makes any great difference at this point!"
"Thank's for covering for me the way you just did, Solly! I really appreciate it! I can't tell you how much!
I'll make it up to you some time! Honest!"

"I'd be more'n willing to take you up on that, Jade ...
Except that these days I don't think that I'm up to it!" >br>
"You know what I mean, Solly!" Jade said, placing an affectionate arm around his shoulder.

"Jade ... I saw nothing to be gained by letting you get raked over the coals
when what happened had virtually nothing at all to do with the fact that the fellow picked your performance to keel over!"

"Do you really think so, Solly?"

"Jade ... The ambulance team kept saying things like heart attack and possible aneurism ...
Neither of which have anything much to do with that cotton cat'o'nine tails of yours other than bad luck in the timing!"

"I only hope that you're right, Solly!"

"I've got it right, Jade ... Or at least I've got it close enough!
Now you try to put this affair out of your mind and go home and get some rest!"

"Thanks, Solly! I'll sure try!"

But of course and as you might expect, Jade took neither of those recommedations.
She neither went home to her apartment nor did she do anything that was in any way calculated to give her rest of any kind.
Jade figured that in her present frame of mind, sleep, short of sheer exhaustion was very much out of the question
until she had gained some peace of mind on one account.
What Jade did was to head directly for the Emergency Room at St Boniface Hospital.

In what may be described as the usual hurly-burly of any active emergency ward,
it seemed to take forever before Jade managed to locate anyone who either knew or cared
anything at all about the whereabouts of any particular patient -
other than perhaps the one with which they themselves were immediately concerned.
But of course it was in fact no where near as long as that and Jade was filled in rather quickly
once the she was taken in hand by the Charge Nurse.

"Are you an immediate member of the patient's family?" The nurse asked Jade in a business-like tone of voice.

"No ... I'm ... a friend of his!
Just a friend!
Can you tell me where he is?
Is he going to be all right?"

"Your friend is seriously ill, Miss ...
He arrived here by way of an ambulance ...
Let's see ...
Diagnosis ...
His chart went upstairs with him as an emergergency admission of course ...
But I have a few notes retained here as a matter of record ..."

Jade stood by as patiently as she could as the Charge Nurse hastily scanned her notes.
Jade heard medical terminology like aneurism ... throbosis ... infarction ... embolus ... pulmonary ... necrosis ...

"Your friend, Mr Spechtre was admitted with what has been diagnosed as a pulmonary thrombosis -
In layman's terms - a blood clot in one his lungs ...
He was rushed to X-ray and in all likelihood to the OR for immediate emergency thorasic surgery, Miss ...?"

"Jade! Oh ... Please excuse me!
But I'm so upset!
But you see - he collapsed suddenly - right there - before my eyes!"

"Which was where? At home?"

"Oh, no! We were at the theater ... Just down the block when he ..."

"I see!" The Charge Nurse said and there was certain tone of dismissal in her voice.

"And where is - ah - the patient - Mr Spechtre now?"

"As I said before ... Richard was taken to the Operating Room ..."
The nurse replied crisply and it was becoming increasingly evident to Jade that this interview was about to come to a close.

"And where is the OR located?"

"On the fifth floor ..."

"Thanks!" Jade called back over her shoulder as she dashed toward an elevator the door of which had yawned open at the crucial moment.

"But you won't be admitted ..." The voice of the ER Charge Nurse was lost behind the elevator door as it closed.

"I could have saved you the trip, Jade!"
The nurse murmured aloud as she placed her notes on Richard Spechtre in a binder marked Admissions and dated accordingly.
"But you'll find out for yourself soon enough!
Somebody up on the fifth floor can fend you off as easily as I could!
And in the mean time ...
I have some research of my own that has to be done ..."

The Fifth Floor at St Boniface Hospital was not like some undesignated Thirteen Floor at the Hospital of Horrors ...
Rather the Fifth Floor was where - for reasons known only to the architect who laid out the floor plan -
the Operating Room had been located.
And other than its proximity to the Operating Room in this wing of the hospital there was nothing to distinguish
the fifth floor from any other floor.

Jade found herself treated to much the same professional indifference that she had encountered down in the Emergency Room.
It was annoying - but necessary she supposed ...
These people all had a job to do ...
And she had little to do with it other than to get in the way ...
Again ... As before ... No one appeared to know anything at all about a patient named Richard Spechtre ...
And Jade was beginning to think that this entire episode might be just another one of the bad dreams she'd been having lately
and that she would awake at any moment now ...
Wondering what on earth had ever inspired a nightmare such as this?

It was one of the nurse's aides who came to her rescue this time.
And she never spoke so much as a word to Jade personally, but instead Jade saw her
tugging at the sleeve of one of the staff doctors who nodded and then approached her.

"Good evening! I'm Herbert Kellogg ...
And you are here to see the patient admitted earlier this evening ...
Am I correct?"

"Yes, Doctor! May I see him?"

"If you will kindly step this way, Mrs? Ms?"


"I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Jade!
In what way were you related to the patient?"

"I'm just a friend of his ...
An acquaintance, as you said And, Doctor ...
Did you say were?"

They had approached one of the private patient rooms on the floor and the staff physician
pushed the door open and held in for her before following Jade into the room.
The door closed softly behind them.

The hospital bed was made up neatly and it was immediately obvious that the doctor had ushered her to an empty room.

Jade was not one to be taken completely off her guard - or at least not often.
She was hardly a wide-eyed innocent.
Jade was the proud possessor of a figure that could have launched a ship or perhaps several of them.
She traded on that fact after all ...
She was her own Stock and Trade ...
And what was more ...
She had heard stories about what often went on behind closed doors in otherwise vacant hospital rooms ...
Why an unoccupied hospital bed had at least as much potential as the Casting Couch
Solly was reputed to have in his Office back-stage at the theater!
In short - Jade was on the alert.

But it was nothing like that ...
Not at all ...
And Jade wondered for a moment whether she were not perhaps just a little bit disappointed that it was not ...
Dr Herbert Kellogg asked her to sit down and she did so.

"Jade," The Doctor began, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this - but your friend, Richard Spechtre did not survive ..."

"Oh, dear!" Jade did not have to fake her dismay in any way.

"Let me assure you, Jade ...
The staff here did all that we possibly could ...
But Mr Spechtre had suffered from a severe pulmonary throbosis ...
A blood clot of the lungs ...
The man was very ill, you see, and ..."

"He was ill, Doctor?"

"Didn't you know?
Hadn't he told you?"

"I really didn't know Richard for very long, Doctor ..."

"I see ...
Well, Jade, to be frank -
although a physician always regrets the loss of any patient -
In this case, I cannot say that I was surprized at the outcome ..."

"No surprize?"

"None whatever ...
Mr Spechtre was what is often called a very Brittle Diabetic.
Diabetes is essentially a vascular disease that if left unchecked leads to a general deterioration of tissue
that may be manifested in a loss of eyesight, or other organs such as the heart and lungs ... Etcetera."

"This is interesting, Doctor Kellogg! Please continue!"

Jade was beginning to take relief in the physician's diagnosis ...
For it was becoming increasingly apparent to her that she in fact had almost little or nothing to do
with what her health insurance company would be apt to classify as a pre-existing condition!

"Mr Spechter, in case you did not know, Jade, was no stranger to the staff here at St Boniface ...
He was a cancer survivor, you see ...
Living on but a single lung - having lost the other to cancer several years ago ..."

"And yet he peresisted in smoking!" Jade interjected, remembering as she did, that the man had asked
if he could smoke just prior to making his stage appearance!
He was so urgent about it that Solly had escorted him to his own office where he could have his smoke in relative safety.

"Sadly, we find that is often the case, Jade!" Doctor Kellogg sighed in frustration.
"It's exasperating ...
But it's often true ...
Knowledge in and of itself never seems to solve anything ...
A sad thing really ..."

Jade could see that there was little else to be accomplished here now ...
And what with the diagnosis provided by the physicians here at St Boniface,
she doubted that she had anything to fear in the way of visitations from the police ...
Or probably from any other authority for that matter ...

"I have to thank you for taking the time for me, Doctor Kellogg!
It's a sad thing ...
But in a way - I'm relieved at the same time ...
If you know what I mean?"

"I can assure you that I do, Jade!
Now ... Is there anything that you need?
A mild sedative to help you sleep, perhaps?"

"No - No, Doctor ...
I'll be fine!
Really! Thanks to you!"

"As you wish, Jade ... Whatever you say ..."

"Oh! Doctor! What - uh - What will become of him now?"

"The police have or will notify the next of kin ..."

"Oh - Well - In that case ..."

"Yes - In that case - Goodnight, Jade ... Be gentle with yourself ..."

"Goodnight, Doctor Kellogg ...
And thank you again!"

Jade found that she was greatly relieved in the explanations offered by the staff of St Boniface Hospital.
The Charge Nurse in the Emergency Room had been helpful in her own way and it seemed that Doctor Herbert Kellogg
had gone well out of his way to assuage any doubts Jade may have had in her own mind
concerning the untimely demise of one Mr Richard Spechter.

Still and all, Jade found that she was grateful to Solly when the manager suggested that she take some time off
to get away from the theater and relax for a while.

"Take all the time you need to recuperate, Jade!"

"You sound as though it were me who collapsed in a heap on the stage, Solly!"

They had both laughed but at the same time,
Jade was grateful to have time to herself for a while and what was better -
Both she and Solly realized that she needed it and so she was grateful to him for thinking of her and giving her the opportunity.

"Solly and I both know that just as soon as the paparazzi get wind of what happened there at the theater last week ...
One or another of them would come sniffing around looking for an interview to see what in the way of news worthy trouble he could stir up!"

"And that is one thing that neither Solly nor I need like an extra hole in the head!"
Jade towelled herself dry with a touch of ferorcity as she stepped from her shower.

There was nothing that beat a vigorous rubdown with a terrycloth towel at the end of a liesurely session in her bath or shower!
Well now!
Come to think of it ...
Yes there was!
Several things that bore mention now that she thought about it!

Good Grief!
There's the doorbell!
Now who could that possibly be at this hour of the day?

What time is it anyway?
1:30 in the afternoon ...
Ha! I know!
It's Ol' Solly taking a break from rehearsal at the theater!
He's come over here to see how his Star Attraction is doing ...

Isn't Ol' Solly the sweetest thing?
What ever would I do without him?
And how will I ever repay him for taking the pressure off me when the police arrived at the theater that night?

Hey! I know!
I'll come prancing out to greet him just as I am!

That oughta make the day for the old boy!

It may even help to put some lead in his pencil!

Again the doorbell issued its call ...

Here I come, Solly! Ready or not!

But of course when Jade crossed the living room to open the door - it wasn't Ol' Solly who faced her on the threshhold of her apartment ...

"Hello, Ms Jade! Do you remember me?"

Among Jade's first instincts was one to push the door closed with the hope that the automatic lock would latch.
The woman who confronted her was smaller than Jade and in all probability she could have done precisely that.
Instead, Jade followed what was perhaps her second choice of instincts and backed away from the door and
into the middle of her own living room.

"Do you remember me?"
The Charge Nurse from the Emergency Room at St Boniface Hospital repeated as she advanced into Jade's apartment
closing the door behind her as she came.

"Of course I remember you!
You're the nurse from the Emergency Room!
But what are you doing here?
I was expecting someone else!"

"That - my dear, Jade, is rather obvious - if you have no objection to my saying so?"

The Charge Nurse placed a businesslike looking attache case down atop a coffee table that stood at the foot of the divan,
clicked the clasps that held it together ...
And reached inside to withdraw a long slender object that Jade could not see for the top of the case blocked her line of vision.

"And now, Jade, if I may have your undivided attention?
You will see that I have with me a small Hostess Gift!

Jade was about to offer some small protest on her own account, but her uninvited guest hastened to continue ...

"Oh! You needn't offer any objection ...
It is a matter of form after all ...
And it is your form that intrigues me!"

Somehow the nurse managed to get out and around the coffee table without stumbling over it ...

And in a single fluid motion she had pulled her knife from its sheath ...

And had slashed it across the top of Jade's magnificent bosom, leaving a trail of blood streaming in its wake!

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

The nurse stepped back as if to admire her own handiwork ...
Leaving a mortified Jade to determine the extent of her injury!

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"My God!
You've butchered me!
For the Love of God!

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"You are given to hyperbole, Mistress Jade!
I have butchered you, as you say, by no means!
Why I have scarcely yet begun!"

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"No! Please! Why?

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"Here I am ... About to plunge my blade into this great breast of yours ..."

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"And yet you persist in wanting to know why?"

"You will of course recall one Richard Spechtre, don't you, Jade?
Oh, but or course you do!

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"Oh, now I know that your bit of flagellation had less than nothing whatever to do with the demise of Poor Richard!
So you may safely disabuse yourself of any thought along those lines ..."

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"But you see, dear Jade, if Richard hadn't been so foolish as to die as and when he did ..."

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"Then your own death might have been somewhat less unpleasant, you see ..."

"You possess a truly marvelous bosom, Jade!
But then, you were more than quite well aware of that, now weren't you?"

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"Now I must bear in mind not to penetrate you so deeply that I do damage to any of your reproductive organs!

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"Doctor Kellogg would not be the least bit pleased were I to do that!"

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"Dr Kellogg?
You remember Dr Herbert Kellogg, don't you?"

"Why the poor man would be beside himself with grief were he to learn that he had made no more of an impression on you that that!"
"You see, Jade ...
Had Richard Spechtre survived, he would have made his way back stage to your dressing room eventually ...
There either he would have found some way to asphyxiate you quietly ..."

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"Or barring that ...
It is even conceivable that Dr Kellogg himself would have seen fit to inject you with one thing or another ..."

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

But for me?
I favor a more direct approach ...
Directly beneath the sternum!
Jade! You simply have no way of knowing how magnificent a creature you are with my knife thrust into your bosom!"

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"Well done, Jade!
Believe me when I say that not every woman takes a blade as beautifully as you have just done!"

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"What will become of you?
Strange that you should ask!
Dr Kellogg has enlisted the aid of a replacement for Richard Spechtre and the men will arrive shortly to carry you off to the hosital ..."

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"To save your life? Jade ...
They will not make so much as an attempt to do that, I may assure you!
You see Jade, a woman such as yourself is worth far more to us in death than she ever could hope to be in life!"

Drop Dead Gorgeous: Persephone

"No Jade ...
Dr Kellogg has placated me by allowing me to have my fun with you ...
And rest assured that ...
though you may no longer appear to be entirely perfect ...
That parts of you are excellent!"

Free Pic of the Day