Uncle Buck


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Body Creme

Written by Uncle Buck

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Working Girls?
Well, yes, you'd have a right to call him something less than honest if Pinky didn't admit
to having cut a few of them in his time.

Prostitutes are so readily available you see?
It seemed to Pinky that they had to be if they were going to be at all successful.

But then, this was no Working Girl! Or if she was, then she was way out of Pinky's price range!
That much he could promise you!

Besides, this was no call girl!
No Sir! Not at all!
This woman had brains on top of everything else!
Is life fair?
No! It isn't!
Never has been; never will be!
So let's quit complaining and make the most of what you've got!
That's what this woman was doing!
Course you may be tempted to ask, "And what good did it do her?"
Not much in the long run, I'll grant you that.

She was a scientist, of all things!
No, she wasn't a rocket scientist!
Rocket Science isn't the only thing after all!
Actually, she worked in the Research and Development Laboratory of a small independent cosmetics firm.

What she had developed, was an entirely unique formula for a body lotion.
You know, the oily stuff that some women smear all over themselves to give them the skin men would love to touch,
if only the women would let them!

The shelves at the pharmacies in the cosmetic section are half full of them.
And if you think that by spending more you will get a superior product,
well then the fancier department stores have cosmeticians working behind locked glass counters
who will be happy to be of service and will welcome your patronage.

Candace went about demonstrating the product that she had helped to develop.
Marketed as Body Creme, among the claims made for it was that it helped the well-upholstered woman
keep her upholstery positioned in its proper place.
With Candace on hand to give testimony as well as to demonstrate how well the preparation worked,
the sales of Body Creme soared.
The fact that Candace could likely attribute her own physique to genetics rather than to cosmetic chemistry
and that using Body Creme regularly perhaps accomplished no more than at least a half dozen other products
on the market did nothing to discourage the purchasing public and Body Creme was a huge commercial success.

And so with all the makings of a typiecal American Success Story,
how was it that Pinky had been called to enter the picture and why,
and perhaps more importantly from Candace's own point of view,
was he so keen upon thrusting a knife into her belly?

Pinky would be among the first to admit that he really and truly enjoyed his work.
As a matter of fact, there were times when he literally wallowed around in it;
especially if his victim happened to bleed a lot.

He had this special knife with a double-edged blade that hadn't been at all easy to come by.
But those two sharpened surfaces made it so easy to slip into a woman's navel
that Pinky didn't know how he had ever gotten along without it.
It had certainly been well worth the price!

He had lost no time at all in thrusting his knife to the hilt in the woman's belly,
and now he proceeded to rock the double-edged blade slightly,
seeking to further her reaction to the knife's intrusion.

And in this Pinky was not disappointed,
for even as her knees began to buckle,
the woman's fine body continued to heave about in her protest to being slaughtered.

At times like this, Pinky would be the first to admit that he often managed
to get more in the nature of a reaction from a woman
by shoving something hard and sharp into her gut than he did in any more normal sexual encounter.

Hell! If he hadn't knifed her,
she would't have agreed to have anything to do with him in the first place!
Would she?

That of course is a fair question.
But for now we must leave Pinky to to his passion and return to the question of how he happened to be here in the first place ...

As stated earlier, almost from the time it first entered the market, Body Creme was a success.
One look at Candace as she demonstrated its use and men were flocking in droves to cosmetic counters everywhere
to purchase tubes of the lotion for their lady friends.
And the women, while perhaps somewhat more circumspect in making their purchases did essentially the same.

The financial rewards that came about as the result of this sales campaign were not lost on the competition,
and, as is almost inevitably the case,
offers were tendered to purchase the patent rights
for the manufacture and distribution of the product known to the purchasing public as Body Creme.

Candace, for her part was dead set against the transaction and was quite vocal in making her protests which,
for the record, were not without merit.

But theirs was only a small cosmetics firm and Candace was only a technician.
Other than that of any other employee she held no interest in the company an so had no say in any of its business affairs.

And so, after much dickering and haggling the executives reached the only sensible conslusion;
they sold the company, lock, stock and barrel.

The company executives took their money and decamped for brighter pastures
to do whatever it is that executives do with eight or nine million dollars apiece.
Candace was left with the unhappy task of turning over the formula for the Body Creme that she had developed to the new owners.

In that she was quite unhappy with this turn of affairs,
she was reluctant to part with the formula that had brought them all such success,
and so she entrusted the list of ingredients to an assistant who,
like Candace herself, would soon be seeking employment elsewhere.

Now this particular employee was no more happy about the sale of the cosmetic company
and the loss of her position than was Candace herself.
Furthermore she was neither as clever nor as attractive as Candace and finding another job was going to be no easy matter.

So by way of a parting shot, the girl thought that it might be a fine joke on everyone concerned
to improve upon the original formula to a certain extent.
And this she proceeded to do, withuot taking Candace into her confidence, nor anyone else as far is as known.

The formula for Body Creme, as it was turned over to the new owners
contained an an ingredient for an astringent powerful enough to wrinkle
even the most youthful appearing skin of anyone with whom it came in contact.

Just why the chemists who manufactired the latest batch of this product didn't realize this remains a mystery.
But the fact remains that when this edition of Body Creme reached the cosmetic counters
and the purchasing public, it caused a great deal of consternation. Sales plummeted and there were threats of numerous lawsuits.

Body Creme was promptly withdrawn from the market and bankruptcy proceedings followed almost immediately.
A great deal of money was lost and in as much as the purchase of the Body Creme formula
had been underwritten by a financial institution that served as a laundry for the local mob,
this business loss was not looked upon at all favorably.

And that is how Edward "Pinky" Heinz,
he of the double-edged knife had been commissioned to deal with Candace,
who was presumed to be the principal player in the scam.

The knife thrust into her gut had caused Candace to buck and heave about in her orgasm of death.
This had gone on to such an extent that Pinky soon became aware that he had had an orgasm of his own.

Damn! But that was always happening!
It seemed to him that about the only time he could come lately was when he had run his knife into the body of a naked woman!
And how often did he have a chance to do that?
No where near often enought to his way of thinking!

There was nothing left for him to do now but to clear out of here!
He was fairly certain that the woman was done for, but he nicked her throat just to be on the safe side.

Just before he left the premises,
Pinky tossed the place in a fairly thorough and professional manner.
It wasn't always strictly necessary but he usually liked to leave the police investigators
with the impression that the victim had surprized a burglar.
It tended to put them off the scent to a certain extent, or at least he liked to think that it did.

And so here ends what has become an all to familiar American Success Story
wherein a loyal employee works to make a company successful,
the company executives sell out to reap the financial rewards
while the only reward that the employee reaps is a knife in the gut.
Candace may have been fortunate even at that ...
For after all ...
She could have been stabbed in the back!