The two police detectives got together at fairly regular
intervals when both of them happened to be off-duty.
So frequently did the duo take up their familiar positions at a table to
the rear of their favorite watering hole
that neither the management nor
the others patroning the place appeared to think anything of it.
"They say that ol' Joe Broccoli the Mobster owns this particular den
of iniquity, wouldn't you say so, McClintoch?"
MacNamara posed what was
meant as a rhetorical question to his partner
as the two of them pulled
back a chair apiece and sat down at their table.
"Y'know full-well that he does, MacNamara!
And incidentally, the gentleman
in question prefers t'have his name pronounced 'Bra-co-lee'
and not 'Brock-o-lee'
like he was some kind of an unpopular vegetable!"
"An' just who is it that says broccoli is 'unpopular?'" Came the rejoinder. "I happen t'like the
stuff m'self!"
"Sure an' I'll be there at chure wake t'attest to the fact that you
always were a wee bit peculiar!
If you catch my drift?"
"If y'mean t'be makin' orations at me wake then I'd suggest
that you keep your elbow well-oiled and limber!"
"Which problem I have every intention of attending to momentarily!
Or at least as soon as I can get the attention of a waitress!
Where 'n' Hell are
they all anyway?"
"They're all busying tending to the tables down near the stage,"
MacNamara
volunteered the information in defense of the several girls
who were working
the twin-tables with professional efficiency.
"Well, if figgers! Those tables are populated by what constitutes at
least half of Mr Broccoli's entire entourage of soldiers!"
"Oh ... no wonder ... Good Grief, McClintoch! What are we doing sitting
here?! We're cops!"
"Relax, will ya, Mac! This's our Day Off! Remember?
Besides ... No
one is hardly paying us no never-mind anyhow!"
"Yeah! Well, in that case - I guess it's aw-right! But
... Say! Hey!"
MacNamara exclaimed, interrupting no one other than himself,
"Isn't that Anne?!"
"Anne? You mean our Little Annie, the Meter Maid?"
"Meter Maid, me-ass! That's Anne up there on the stage!"
"Well! I'll be damned if it isn't! What on Earth is she doing here?"
"Well, McClintoch! From the look of things,
I'd say that she and her
partner are in the process of stripping off their clothes!"
"I've heard 'a Moon Lighting! But this is Ridiculous!"
"Whaddaya mean - 'Ridiculous,' McClintoch?
I think that
they're makin' a pretty good job of it myself!"
"Omigod! Mac!
Don't look now ...
But all of Broccoli's Trigger-Men are sitting over there
at that table!"
"Well? What else whould ja expect?
The view's pro'bly pretty good down
where they're sitting!
Care to wander over an' ask if they'd mind if
we joined them?"
"Not on y'r Life!"
"Shucks! Why not?
Y'said y'rself only a minute ago that we're all but
members of the Family!"
"Didn't y'hear the Chief at the Staff Meeting this morning?"
"Shoot, McClintoch! That was over two weeks ago!
Do you
'spect for a moment that I'm apt or even inclined t'remember anythin' the Chief may
have intoned that long ago?"
"He said, 'O! But That Someone Would Rid Me Of This Troublesome Pest!'"
"The Chief said something like that?
Our Chief?
And so what if he did?"
"Annie the Meter Maid has been bucking for a promotion!"
"Yeah ... Well then May the Good Lord Bless and Keep Her! Who isn't
these days?"
"Mac! If my hunch is right ...
Hey, Mac! Where're ya goin'!"
"Get your ass down off that chair an' under a table, McClintoch! An'
be quick aboot it for once!"
"You catch on fast! Don't you, Mac, me-boyo?"
"If your hunch is right then those two goofy babes
are gonna try t'do
a hit on Ol' Joe Broccoli right here in plain view of more'n half of his
troops!"
"What beats me is how did Annie talk 'er partner into participatin'
in this dubious operation?"
"It 'pears t'be but another unfortunate example of the Female Ego a t
work, McClintoch!"
"Ego? Now, MacNamara! What makes you say such a thing?"
"The way they likely had it figgered, Joe's Boys would be so spell-bound
at the sight of their naked bodies ..."
"That nary a one of them could hit the barn-side of a broad!"
"And so they'd all become just so many sittin' ducks!"
"But things ain't playin' quite accordin' to the way they had it planned, now are they, Mac?"
"Not for Anne's partner they're not!
At least not unless she came here
with any intention of takin' a slug in 'er gut!"
From somewhere amid their scanty equipment
the girls had miraculously produced their guns ...
And they lost little time in putting them to the use for which they
were intended ...
True to form, the men seated at the tables close to the stage were
momentarily stuneed ...
But then ...
"Cripes! They're shootin' at us!"
"Everybody! Get Down!"
Tables toppled and almost instantly the room became a shambles
as the
men scrambled for cover in much the same manner as MacNamara
had prescribed
to his own partner in their position to the rear ...
"I'M HIT! I'M HIT!!"
"Wunna dem bitches got Al!"
"They did? Where'd he get it?"
"In the gut - from the way he's actin'!"
"Then it's lucky f'r him! It's only a flesh wound!"
"Ol' Al is gonna getcha for that one, Lou!"
"What say youse guys leave off wid da wise cracks? An' finish off these
two broads!"
"Now let's concentrate on those two babes on the stage!"
"Broccoli's boys are shootin' the shit outta Annie and 'er partner!"
MacNamara exclaimed as he ducked back down behind his table in order to
dodge a stray bullet.
"Wha'ja think was gonna happen?" was the response from the dour McClintock.
"They got no cover up there a'tall!"
"Wha'd they think was gonna stop all the lead Broccoli's
men would throw back at 'em?"
"I dunno! Their chests, maybe?"
"Hell, Man! Neither one of those girls is anywhere near
thick enough t'do that!"
In spite of the fact that neither Anne nor her partner,
Cass were anywhere
near the largest women on the force,
they did what turned out to be a remarkable
job of stopping what was perhaps an inordinate amount of lead.
Cass was sinking to the floor as Anne took another slug between her
ribs ...
As Anne dropped to one knee, Cass mustered the strength to turn
to face the barricade of tables and the men they had chosen to go up against
...
"I wonder who was supposed t'be their back-up?" MacNamara
wondered aloud.
"That's a Helluva good question, Mac!" McClintoch seconded his friend's
opinion.
"Well! It's for sure it wasn't either one of us!"
"Oh, Hell no! We're off-duty!"
"Yeah! An' by rights, neither of us should even be here!"
"As far as I'm concerned - I'm not and I wasn't!"
Meanwhile - upon the stage ...
"I ... Unngh!"
"And you were so sure that those two guys would back our
play!"
"Take that! Scumbag!"
"Aieeye!"
"Sorry, Cass! I was sure they would!"
"I got this one dead t'rights, Cass!"
"I don't think I can take much more of this, Annie!"
"Hang on, there Partner! Hang on!"
"Hey! Y'know what?"
"They've stopped shooting!"
"Maybe they're all as low on ammo as we are?!"
"Guu-ooh-ungh!"
"Sorry, Cass! He must 'a loaded a fresh clip!"
"I'm really sorry I dragged you into all 'a this, Cass!"
"That's okay, Anne! I really didn't have much of anything else planned for
today anyway!"
"Y'know, Anne?"
"Did you ever notice that sucking sound a bullet makes as it cuts through
the air?"
"Or the solid smack it makes when it hits you - right in the middle
of the chest?"
"So, Anne ..."
"Where the Hell is the Cavalry when we need them?"
"Who the Hell does that babe think she's talkin' to up there?"
McClintock grumbled from somewhere behind his table.
"I dunno, Man!" Came the response from MacNamara.
"But Annie has been
dead for the last full minute - at least!"
"What were they thinkin' of?
Is what I want t'know!"
"Did the two of 'em have a death-wish?
Or were they playin' a round of Last Woman Standing, or something?"
Or were they playin' a round of Last Woman Standing, or something?"
"I never heard of anything as dumb as that in my entire life!"
"Well - Hell, Man! Then you come up with a better idea!"
"I'll work on it!"
"What're we gonna tell the brass?"
"Tell 'em?
We can't tell 'em nothing!
We were never here!
Remember?"
"Yeah ... Yeah, Man! Right!
Y'know, McClintock?
It sure doesn't
look like little Annie is ever gonna get 'er promotion now ... Does it?"
"No ... And I wouldn't give much for her partner's chances much either ..."
"Whadaya say - you'n me - we kind 'a slide on outta here about now?"
"Might's well - I guess!"
