The door swung inward as the first of the two women from the Maid By The Day commercial cleaning service made use of her broad backside
to push her way into the room. Margo Zachery caught the door with the heel of her rubber-soled shoe to hold it open as her partner,
Gertrude (Grunt) Wilson made her entrance pushing one wheeled mop bucket before her while dragging another along behind.
"Damn! What a mess!" Margo exclaimed in disgust.
"Yes! Indeed!" Grunt had to agree. "It do look as though the boys had quite a time for themselves last night! Don't it, Margo?"
"What kind of brawls go on in here, Grunt? Any idea?"
"Oh, now! From the looks of things, I'd hafta guess that they booked another Stag Party in here, Margo!"
"A Stag? Okay! But do they always hafta leave such an all-fired mess behind?"
"They often do at these affairs it seems!" Grunt placated her partner. "'Sides! No mess by them means no job for us!
Which wouldn't be so bad if that didn't mean a trip back to the Big House!"
Margo nodded in silent agreement. "We'll need t'sweep and vacuum the place before we can wash the floor, Grunt!"
"You got that right! Let's go get the stuff!"
The women went outside to their van which was parked at the curb to retrieve a pair of push-brooms and two large galvanized dust pans
which they placed inside a wheeled trash receptacle and hoisted out of the side-door of the vehicle.
Margo looked up at the sign over the roof as they reentered the building. "The Cafe Risque! Know anything about this place, Grunt?"
"I only knows what I've been told, Margo! 'Course, what I don't know I makes up!"
"Okay! I hear ya! Sounds good enought t'me! So give, woman!"
The two employees of the Maid By The Day set about putting the room to rights as Gertrude Wilson went on to tell her story.
"As the story goes, according to my own old Gran'mother, (God Rest 'Er Soul!) This place was originally built as an Ole Opry House
back around the turn of the previous century, which I would hafta guess is why there's that ol' stage over at one end of the room.
"They may've made some attempt at playing legitimate theater here at the time, but as y'might expect, things didn't pan out
along those lines and so the Opry was no great commercial success.
"As a matter of fact," Grunt continued after she paused her narrative to wring out her mop,
"The whole thing would have gone t'smash if Lucky Lucy Finlay hadn't come to town."
"What did Lucky Lucy do, Grunt?"
"Lucy Finlay was a chorus girl who aspired t'be a Dance Hall Queen in her own right!
"Things were at a pretty low ebb when Lucky Lucy moved in and picked up this particular piece of real estate real reasonable!
"Then when the place reopened as Lucky Lucy's, that ol' stage over there saw what may have been some of the
hottest warmed-over burlesque shows this territory had ever seen!
"Lucky Lucy's created no small stir around here and so she became quite successful!
"Lucy did so well in fact that it wasn't long before a couple of guys from somewhere out of town arrived on the scene.
They said that they were representatives of a Big-Time Syndicate that wanted to buy out Lucky Lucy's theater.
They were prepared to offer her more than a fair price because they knew a good thing when they saw it!
"But Lucy refused to sell.
"So the two out of town representatives held a conference between them and came back with a better offer.
"Sorry, but no deal. Lucy didn't want to dicker. All that she wanted was to keep Lucky Lucy's to herself.
"The out of town representatives collectively shrugged their shoulders. 'Ey! Wuddaya gonna do?" After that they left town.
"So what happened then, Grunt?" Margo urged as her partner paused to gather her thoughts.
"A week or so later, Lucky Lucy Finlay was discovered laying where she had been shot down dead in one of the dressing rooms of her own theater!"
"Lucky Lucy had been shot two or three times in the belly!" Grunt added in an attempt to enhance the dramatic impact of her story.
"Lord A'Mighty! You mean, she was plugged right here, Grunt?!" Margo couldn't help but interrupt as she gazed warily about the room.
"Now just you relax, Margo, Honey! That was way back in the '60's and the place has been remodelled some since then!
But, yeah! She was found over there in one of those dressing rooms out behind the stage!"
Gertrude made no secret of showing that she was pleased to have elicited such a positive reaction from her audience.
"Lucy Finlay had been far and away too young to have so much as even thought about drawing up a will, and so Lucky Lucy's went into her estate.
"Somehow, by the time that the will went through probate and her affairs were wrapped up, Lucky Lucy's had become the property of one Anthony Tomaine.
"Tony had his heart set on running Lucky Lucy's as a dinner theater ...
But word got around that a guy named tomaine was trying to run a restaurant ...
And the general public stayed away in droves!"
"Can't say that I blame 'em any! Do you, Grunt?"
"Yuh got that right, Margo! Tony stood to lose a bundle!
But just when it seemed that he was about t'lose his shirt, Tony came up with an idea!
And it came about more or less by accident - like so many thing do, y'know?"
"One of the girls Tony'd hired hadn't been paid in more'n a month ...
And she was upset about it, as y'might expect!
She was giving Tony a ration late one afternoon ...
And it caught Tony with a wild hair stickin' him some place ...
So he pulled out his gun and pumped one inta her gut!
Now ... Where was I?"
"Tony Tomaine ... His restaurant ..." Margo reminded her.
"Oh, yeah! Anyhow - it was while he was waiting for a couple of his boys to get rid of the body that Tony was struck with an inspiration!"
"The restaurant wasn't panning out ... So ... Okay ... What else could he do with the place?
As the girl was being carted away, Tony was willing to bet that there were those who'd pay good money to watch a nekkid woman get plugged!"
"And he could charge even more to those who got to pump lead inta her themselves!"
"The cops raided the place regularly!"
"But Tony was always tipped off in advance, and so when the cops arrived nothing overly objectionable was ever going on.
"Besides, even though the demand was high and Tony could have staged a shooting for every waitress, cigarette girl, or stripper he could find ...
he knew better than to overdo it.
I don't think that anyone kept track of who or how many women were gunned down ...
But from what I heard the number of 'em was considerable!"
"Athough to tell you the truth, Margo ...
Just between you'n me ...
I have a kinda hard time believin' that!"
"An' that's only because there's always gonna be somebody somewhere who keeps track of everythin'!
Especially somethin' as fascinatin' as the bodies of dead females!
Am I right, Honey?"
"It has always struck me as kinda strange that what with all the ladies that went into that club and vanished - never to be seen again ...
Tony never seemed to get into difficulties with the law ...
Except for the times when one or another of his female customers got to showin' too much tit ...
And some one of the shooters mistook her for a valid target!
Things got pretty hot aound there a couple of times and if Tony Tomaine hadn't been operatin' a mobsters' playpen,
Lucky Lucy's might well have gone under.
"As it was, Lucky Lucy's got along as a Private Club - very much as it is today ...
"Nowadays Lucky Lucy's is run by an outfit that has changed its name to the Cafe Risque
and caters to private events such as the Stag Party they had here just last week ..."
"Grunt!"
"Yes, child?"
"What's these here brown stains?"
"Those?
Oh, yes!
I was comin' to that!
Mop 'em up real good would you, Margo?
That's the girl!"
"There! How's that?"
"Good job!
Now ...
What do you s'pose that was?"
"Well ...
It kinda reminded me of the mess my Aunt's cat made when it got squished in the road!"
"Blood is what it likely was, Margo!
Only I'd be willin' t'lay odds that it didn't come from no squashed cat!"
"You mean ...
You think it was human blood, Grunt?"
"Uh-huh!
You got that right!
And human female blood t'boot!
Or I'll miss my guess!"
"Saints Preserve Us!
What goes on around here anyway?!"
"Well ...
There's those who'd call it entertainment, Margo!
Then again, there's other who'd call it just plain murder!
Y'see, Margo ...
You'n me is cleanin' up after a Stag Show!"
"A Stag Show?
What kinda stag was it?"
"Well now y'see, Margo ...
What with most every woman who ever disrobed appearin' somewhere on the Internet these days ...
Well ...
Much as I hate t'say it ...
The sight of just an every-day run-of-the-mill naked woman doesn't the draw the customers the way it used to!
These days there has t'be something more to it that that!
"And so now ... Given the background of Lucky Lucy's ..."
"What could be more natural than a show in which the audience pays for a chance t'shoot the girls!"
"Do y'mean ... A real live girl, Grunt?"
"Yeah ...
Weil ... At least they start out that way!"
"Where do they find the girlsl who - uh - perform Grunt?"
"I can't say that I know for sure, Margo!"
"But you know that drug rehab center they got over in back of the old church?"
"You mean the one that has the For Sale sign out in front?"
"That's the place awright ...
They been tryin' t'sell that property for years now, it seems ..."
"Grunt, are you sayin' that the girls here are so zonked
that they doan realize what's gonna happen when they waltz out on this here stage?"
"Oh, I guess they know what could happen awright!
"But they're so desperate for a fix that they're willin' t'take the chance!"
"An' by the time they get it figured out that they were wrong ..."
"Well, by then it's far an' away too late!"
"Golly!"
"What's that you got on your mind, Margo?"
"I was just thinkin', Grunt!
What do y'spose they do with all the bodies?"
"Do you see that sign a-hangin' up there, Margo?"
"Now don't you go giving your friend here any funny ideas about Tony Tomaine's Barbeque, Grunt!"
"Huh? Who are you?" Grunt turned to find that two men had just quietly slipped into the room.
"This here is Mr Johnny Romano!" One of them said. "The current owner of the Cafe Risque!"
"Oh! That's a relief! You had us scared there for a minute!"
"That was quite a recitation you delivered here this afternoon, Grunt!"
The man who had been introduced to them as Johnny Romano said in his soft-spoken voice.
"You know quite a bit of the local lore around here, don't you?"
"Well," Grunt countered carefully. "I've been around a while, I guess ...
You pick up things here an' there ... You know?"
"Yes, I do know, Grunt. And now your friend, Margo knows it too!"
Johnny Romano smiled his reasurance as though he were mildly amused by what he had overheard during this chance encounter.
"You two ladies have done an outstanding job here today!
You must be tired after all that effort!
So now would you mind removing those soiled uniforms?"
The two women looked at one another.
"But Mister!" Margo spoke for the first time since the men had made their presence known.
"We ain't wearin' nothin' underneath!"
"Is that a fact?" Johnny Romano glanced at his companion. "Chester?"
"You heard Mr Romano, ladies! Now ... Strip!"
"What're y'gonna do, Mister?"
"For the moment, I thought that Chester and I would simply stand here and watch ..."
The two women quickly loosened their simple garments and allowed them to slip to the floor around their ankles.
"That's fine!
Now then ...
You both realize of course that not a word of what has been related here this afternoon is ever to be noised about as common knowledge?"
The two women looked at one another and nodded their mute understanding.
"Fine! Excellent in fact!
And so we all understand completely the reasoning behind what now has yet to be done!
Chester!"
"Yes, sir! Mr Romano?"
"If you would be so good as to take care of this matter from here?"
Johnny Romano's associate reached inside his suit jacket and pulled out a 9-millimeter automatic pistol.
The two women stated transfixedly at the gun as Chester fished around in his pocket and took out a silencer
which he threaded carefully on to the barrel of his gun.
"Gotta be careful! Cross-thread these things and y'got real problems!" He muttered to himself.
"Now, ladies!
It seems we're ready here!
So which one of you would like to be first?"
"My God!
Mister! No!
We didn't do nothin'!" Margo protested.
"An' we won't never say nothin'!
Will we, Grunt?"
But Gertrude Wilson remained speechless as she continued to stare goggle-eyed at the gun in Chester's hand.
"You guys aren't really gonna do us are you Mr Romano?" Grunt had managed to find her voice.
"Well ... No, Gertrude!
I'm not going to do it personally!
I try to hold myself apart from such sordid affairs these days, you see!
But what Chester does here is entirely other matter!
And I feel quite certain that he will readily to attend to you!"
"But, Mr Romano!
Honest!
I didn't half know what I was talkin' about myself!
Why ... I made up most of that story right off the top of my head!"
"Rather astute guesswork on your part, Gertrude!
For which I must extend my compliments!
Chester?
Are you about ready?"
"All set, Mr Romano!"
Grunt grunted as each of four rounds punched into her huge brown breasts.
The woman appeared to struggle with the weight of her heavy bosom as Chester fired purposefully.
And at last, Grunt slumped lifelessly to the floor.
Grunt Grunts
"You could have saved yourself a fair amount of trouble had you opted for a headshot, Chester!"
Chester was tempted momentarily to ask his boss who was doing the dirty work around here, but he refrained from doing so.
Instead he said, "I s'pose that's true, Mr Romano!
But headshots have never appealed to me except as being a matter of practicality!"
"You know? It just now occurred to me that we should have walked these two out back to the smoke-house before you put them down, Chester!"
"Oh! I don't mind having to lug 'em, Mr R!
I'm just glad you had them strip before I plugged them!
Having to pull the clothing off a corpse is a helluva lot of work that doesn't appeal to me somehow!"
"Well, that's good Chester! Tony Tomaine has another barbeque on his calendar scheduled for the none too-distant future!"
Chester had to grunt himself as he took Grunt by the heels and proceeded to drag her out of the room.
Johnny Romano stood there for a moment looking down at the still form of what had been Gertrude Wilson and slowly shook his head.
"Margo? Do you think that you can keep your mouth shut?"
Chester received a stern look from his boss.
"Neither of 'em really did anything wrong when you get right down to it, Mr Romano!" He hazarded to say.
"Chester!
Get on with it!"
"Okay, sir!
Well ... What the Hell ...
I guess nothin' can be done about it!"
Pumpfh - "Ungh!" ... Pumpfh - "Unngh!"
Margo Zachery doubled over as she took two slugs in the gut ...
She reached for her massive bosom in a vain attempt to shield her great breasts ...
And Chester fired the first of two unhurried rounds that took the woman somewhere deep in her chest ...
As Margo lifted and crushed her enormous mammaries ...
Chester thought that she perhaps needed a bit more convincing ...
Pumfph - "Nugh!" ... Pumfph - "Aiyuh!"
Two more slugs thumped as they drove into the tops of Margo's breasts
and the woman toppled slowly forward to fall face-down to the floor.
"Man! There musta been about a yard of cleavage on that one!
Wasn't there, Mr Romano?"
At least, Chester! At the very least!
But you'd best get to cleaning this place up before someone comes along and gets curious!"
"I'm right on it, Mr Romano!"
Chester had a bit of a grunt in his own right by the time he had hefted both women out of the room.
And he was not a moment too soon for as he stood there mopping his brow, what should the men hear but ...
"Yoo-Hoo! Is anybody here?"
A young black woman had just stuck here head in the front entrance.
"Chester! For God's Sake!" Romano hissed. "Didn't you lock the front door!?"
Recovering his composure, Romano advance toward the newcomer.
"Is there something that I can do for you, Miss?"
"Is one of you gentlemen Tony Tomaine?"
"Well, no ... But I expect that I can speak for him," Romano replied.
"What did you have in mind?"
"Well - Uh - One of my girlfriends just finished doing a gig here, and she put in a word for me!
But Mr Tomaine said that I should come here and interview in person!"
"What position are you looking for, may I ask?"
"Position? Well, I can do most any of 'em!"
"Bartender? Waitress? What?"
"Well, my girlfriend is an Exotic Dancer ..."
"Oh?"
"She did her thing at a stag party here ...
And at the end of her act all the guys got to take his best shot at her with a paintball gun!"
"Do yuh think that I have the necessary qualifications?"
The two men looked at one another in shocked silence ...
Then from the two of them ...
"PAINTBALLS!?!"
