Cass was excited.
And when Cass was excited all manner of exciting things could and often did happen.
Her breath quickened which made her chest heave, her bosom swell and her breasts jiggle.
All of which seemed to happen all at once one day which put her latest boyfriend, Jimmy in one helluva a fix!
"Uummpfh!
Cass! Take it easy!
You know I'm not into asphyx!"
"Jimmy!
You'll never guess what!"
"Gosh!
Can't it wait, Cass!
Can't you see I've got my hands full here?"
"Yeah!
Yuh can say that again, Bro!
But this is serious!"
"An' maybe you think what I'm doin' here isn't?"
"We hit the jackpot!"
"So have I, m'dear!
So have I!
Now - If I can only get these nipples to stiffen up a bit!"
"I mean jackpot as in money, honey!"
"You did?
How'd y'manage t'do that?"
"We gurls at the office got us a pool!
We each pitch in a dollar a week for lottery tickets and if we hit anything, we split the winnings!"
"So, how'd you make out?"
"Well ...
Lots of times we don't hit nothin' ...
But then other times we've hit for small amounts ...
$10, maybe $25 ...
As much as $100 one time!"
"So what did you take home this time?"
"We haven't taken nothin' home yet, Jimmy!
But aside from my other valuable assets, you're lookin' at a babe who could be worth as much as $1,000,000!"
"A million! Wow!"
"That's after taxes, Jimmy!
I already figgered it out!
I'm good at math, yuh know!"
"But - uh - You've gotta split it, don't you?
How much will that leave us with?"
"That's where you come in, Jimmy!"
"I do?"
"Certainly you do!
Who else?
Just think of what the two of us could do!
And splitting a cool million besides!"
"Who's got the ticket?"
"That's the best part, Jimmy!
I do!"
"Why don't we cash in the winning ticket and split, Cass?"
"What?
Run off an' have that whole office full of broads on our tails?
Uh-uh!
No way, Jimmy!
That won't work atall!"
"Then I suppose that you expect me to eliminate your partners in the pool?"
"You've done it before, Jimmy!
At least you're all the time tellin' me that you have!
What about the time y'did Laura?
Huh?
What about her?
How many slugs didja pump inta her chest?"
"Aw, shucks, Cass!
Only one - Or maybe two?
That was a long time ago!
I was just a kid for gosh sakes!"
"How many bullets, Jimmy?"
"Six ... I think!"
"Six!
Six slugs inta the chest of one p'or l'il woman!
Aren't you the least little bit ashamed of yourself, Jimmy?
An' don't it turn your crank a wee bit just thinkin' about it?"
"But - Hell, Cass!
Laura was built to take it!"
"Huh!
An' you think us gals at the office aren't, I suppose?"
"I know that you are, Cass!
That's for sure!"
"Now nev' you mind li'l ol' me!
Y'all jest listen to Mama Cass here an' I'll give yuh the lowdown!
Well now!
Let's see!
First one that's gotta go is Milly!
She's our Boss!
Oh!
Yer gonna just love doin' Milly, Jimmy!"
"Those big, milk-white tits of hers!
She'll try to cover 'em up!
You know, they way we do!
But the Boss Lady has just too much ta cover!
Now then, you should take care-a Tammy next, Jimmy!
You know Tammy!
She's the redhead!
I think she dyes it, if ya were t'ask me!
But all you guys care 'bout is bodies!
So hair color doan make no difference!"
<
"Anyway -
You're gonna wanna be sure to use your silencer, Jimmy!"
"'Cuz you ain't gonna wanna miss the way this big chick can grunt!
Almost as good as me, even!"
"Then I guess I should have ya do Gert, Jimmy!
Now, ol' Gert can be real dramatic!
So can 'spect some great expressions from her!"
"An' you're gonna just love the way she grabs her tits when ya plug her, Jimmy!"
"Anyway - She's gonna be real concerned about that tatoo she got put on her chest!
So make sure you take the time ta give it a good look!"
"So, Jimmy!
What's with this thing you got about shootin' us female types in the tits?"
"Because they're there, I guess, Cass!
Why d'yuh ask?"
"Oh! I dunno!
It makes me kinda nervous I guess!
I mean ...
Seems ta me that mos' normal pervs get off doin' a babe in the belly!
Makes me wonder ... Thass all!"
"Hey! Cass!
Don't you never go 'round callin' me normal!
I'm ab-normal!
An' doan choo forget it!
Now let's you'n me get down t'somethin' serious!
Now!
What do you say?
"Gee! Are there any more?"
"Well, okay, Jimmy!
Let's see ...
I guess then there'd be Stacy!
Now the best place t'ketch Stacy is 'bout 8 o'clock at night ...
While she's dressin' up ta go out on anotha of the hot dates she's always braggin' about!"
"Now there's no sense in kiddin' ourselves, Jimmy!
I'm pretty sure that ol' Stacy has gone an' had herself ...
What's the word I'm lookin' for?
Augmented!
Yeah! Thass it!
Added to ...
I got that bit from a guitar player!
An Old Timer he was, too!"
"But there's no denyin' the fact that Stacy's come out with a mean setta tis on 'er!
An' that's all that counts anyway!
Isn't it?
So whether you go'n pump lead inta Stacy's belly or inta her tits is alla same ta me!"
"But I'd still like ta know why you're so all-fired hot about blastin'the babes in their chests?!"
"Awright! Cass! Awright!
See? It's this way ...
I been watchin' the ol' hard-boiled detective flicks on TV ever since I was a kid!
An' sometimes in the movies too when I got older an' had the coin!
An' it seemed ta me that about every time a broad got hers it was always in the belly!
It got so like it was socially acceptable or somethin' ta put one in her gut - but nowhere else!"
"Now a bullet in the belly is one helluva lot better'n nothin' a-tall!
I'll grant ya that!
But see?
The normal reaction to a punch in the gut is to double-over!
Realistic? I guess ...
And it sure helps an actress in her fall to the floor!
But ta me, it don't show 'er bod off to any 'ticular advantage ...
Hell! Ya know what I mean!
I wanna see her grabbing at her boobs an' squeezin' 'em like there was no tomorrow!"
"That might not be so realistic, Jimmy!"
"Realistic?
So who wants real?
It's sexy as Hell!"
"So! Ya don't think a woman doublin' over with a bullet in 'er gut is sexy enough for yuh, huh?"
"We'll hafta just see 'bout that!
Lemme see now!
Who else is there?
Ha! Yes! Margo!
The cleaning lady!
Now stric'ly speakin, she isn't a reg'lar member of our Tontine cuz she don't always ante up ev'ry week!
But ta judge by the size of those two footballs she carries around with her ..."
"I'm willin' ta lay odds that seein' her bend over with a bullet in 'er belly would bare some targets well-worth
your trubble!"
"Ya know, Cass?
Ya keep tawkin' about this here tontyne!
What I wanna know is - what's a tontyne?"
"Tontine, Jimmy!
Like as in teen! Not tyne!
Technically it's any shared annuity!
I saw it in a Sherlock Holmes on TV last night!
It's a survivorship!"
"Winner Take All, huh?"
"You're geetin' the picture, Jimmy!"
"How many more are there in this here tontine of yours, Cass?"
"Just one more Jimmy!
That's Brenda!"
"She's usually the one who holds the tickets!
Cuz she buys them at the package store on her way home from work!
But this time I bought the tickets!
And one of 'em is the big winner!"
"You say that you've got the winning ticket, right here?"
"Right over there safe an' sound in my hand-bag, Jimmy!"
Then ya know what, Cass?
I'm gonna take me a little short cut!
Instead 'a takin' all the time an' trubble t'snuff out all them gals in your tontine ..."
Why don't I just blow a few holes in your chest?
Then I won't hafta split that million bucks with nobody!"
"Jimmy!
No!
Don't shoot me in the tits!"
"Now, Cass! What makes you think I'd go an' do a thing like that?"
Editor's Note:
But he did.
Several times, in fact.
Some time later, when the woman's body was discovered,
she was laying in a pool of coagulated blood
with what appeared to be at least four bullet wounds in her chest ...
As of this writing, her killer remains at large.
